A couple of things happened simultaneously last fall. First, I went on to Facebook to access a couple of musical acts right at the time that folks I went to high school with were connecting and participating in the Facebook phenomenon. At that same time we were going through the final throes of my Dad’s decline from ALS preceded by the tragic loss of my niece. So two things were happening, one was the enjoyment of reconnecting with people we hadn’t talked to in many years and also the outpouring of support from that group as our family coped with our losses.
The timing of all this led to a desire on my part to reconnect to a place that was very important to me, East Gary. It has been quite a roller coaster since that time – but I have to say overall I have found reconnecting to be meaningful, enjoyable, and worthwhile. I was heartened to see the lives and families people I grew up created for themselves.
When one goes through a major life transition, we sometimes take time to contemplate the past and try to gain some perspective. The perspective I have put together over the last several months has to do with all the blessings and good fortune that has come my way.
By external measures, most folks would say I have been successful and made something of myself. Internally, I have to say that I feel content and very comfortable in my own skin now.
But, I want to challenge the “I made something of myself” premise a bit.
When I recall our childhood (speaking mainly about my and Tammi’s for the most part) I see clearly now that there was a vibrant neighbourhood on the East Side of East Gary of incredibly high quality people and at the same time a school system that had teachers and staff that cared. And that the combination of neighbours, family, church family, and teachers and their investment in us, especially me, really in large part formed who I am today and has directly led to my success.
I am not a “self made man”, I was made and much of my success came from all of the time, effort, love, and energy people invested in me growing up in East Gary. And for me this is a debt that is now due.
Let’s take a look at some of the blessings along the way.
At a difficult time in my mother’s life, being a single working mom in 1964 and 1965, with three children: Jim, Tammi, and Connie, R.O. Johnson and Betty Johnson (Jay’s parents), made available their small house behind their home where we could live. More than simply providing us a roof over our heads, R.O. and Betty looked after all of us including my mom. Being a working mom and young, my mom wasn’t always able to be there so our neighbours did things like get us to the first day of school. For example, Mrs. Enricho quickly took some craft paper and made a cowboy outfit, hat, gun and holster in about 5 minutes when I came to school without a Halloween costume so I could avoid ridicule.
Our maternal grandparents, Bessie and Willard Silverthorn, agreed to take care of Tammi and me after a brief tumultuous period living with our dad and step mother. Bessie and Willard wanted to provide some stability. And for a brief period, I benefited from being the son Willard never had. They indulged my intellect with many hobbies. Bessie and Willard were very involved in the local community, I think it is from them that I learned to be active and give back. My grandfather left local public political life in the early 1960’s after serving on the East Gary Town Board starting in the 1950’s and being very involved in the State Democratic Party. Bessie continued her involvement until her death in 1989.
Willard’s health took a turn for the worse in his early 50’s (about my age now) with his first heart attack from heart disease, caused by smoking and a sedentary lifestyle. He passed away in 1976 right before my senior year. But in that period of time from sixth grade through his passing, we had incredible neighbours, the Funkhouser’s and Munro’s that looked after Tammi and me during those periods where my Grandfather was in the hospital, which were all too frequent. Having had to retire early from the mill and faced with huge medical expenses, it was the community of East Gary that came to help us. The Lions provided a hospital bed in our house for free. We were given food by local charities. Our church Trinity United Methodist bought Tammi and I our Christmas gifts one year. For me a Boy Scout uniform and a small cross.
We were blessed with some incredible Scout leaders at the time as well that instilled discipline and skills and values. The amount of time Jim Cooley, Bob Cooke, Bob Besiagno provided and their leadership had a profound impact on all of us fortunate enough to have participate in scouting. The culmination of that was a trip to Philmont Scout Ranch in which Gil Miller and I were able to participate in 1975. For me, that trip got me in shape enough that I was able to somehow survive my first season of football my junior year.
The school system of East Gary at that time, and I hope it is still true today, looked after all of us as if we were one family. The benefits and advantages of a small town are incredible.
In our high school both Mr. Renn and Mr. Hedstrom put in the effort to provide direction for me and to demand more from me at critical moments. My junior year, in what was probably a bout of depression due to my grandfather’s declining health, I had trouble getting to school in the mornings. I was working out with Coach Renn at lunch hour. Coach Renn was an acquaintance of my dad's. My dad was living in Hobart at the time. I remember Coach Renn throwing me up against the wall by the Universal machine and saying “Son, if you don’t get your *explitive deleted* to school in the mornings you are going to have to go live with your dad in Hobart. You might get a chance to play football at East Gary, but there isn’t any way you will ever play for Hobart.” Tardiness problem solved. Both Mr. Renn and Mr. Hedstrom demanded excellence. It took me a couple of years to understand this, but I got it.
After the loss of our grandfather, a young couple moved down the street. Chano worked for my dad in the mills. He and his wife Kathy, who were just starting a family of their own, took the time to look in on and provide guidance to me and Tammi. They were there especially for Tammi. We didn’t know it at the time but our dad stepped in after Willard’s passing and provided a silent (sometimes not so silent) guiding force that continued until Tammi and I had families of our own.
When I look back and think about all of the people who went out of their way at the right moments and invested their time in us I am humbled and filled with a great sense of gratitude. I am absolutely convinced that my life, which has been nearly a miracle, would not have been possible had I grown up somewhere else.
It is for this reason that I feel the need to continue the connection with my home town of East Gary, now Lake Station, and to try and give some of my time and blessings back to that wonderful community.
I think I have been given one of the most wonderful lives anyone could hope to have.
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